| chinas talking to zach....and im attempting to play pool with JP
life is fun |
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| so i've decided to write in this thing again. because its a good place to just let shit out.
i'm at chinas house and i' retty sure this is the latest we've ever stayed up before. she's getting all dressed up and im chillen at the comp. we've been yelling "ITS KY TIME" at everyone......thankyou.........
Hutchies out of town so this weekend has been pretty much pointless. safweifherougre
except for getting to hang out with shelby becuase now everything is peachy between us and we are almost back to our old ways :D patrick leaves for austria soon and that means a wholemonth of shelby to my self...its gonna be CRAZY.
lmao ily all |
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| Damn it's been a LOOOONG time since I've writen in here.
Well alot of shit has happened since i last wrote but I really don't have the energy to type it all out. Yesterday I went to CCA adn shadowed Megan Mcclure. The classes were boring but I still had fun. I have made my decicsion to go to CCA becuase I can't stand to be around Red Bank people any longer.
So things are going pretty good I've decided to do the whole opitimistic thing and look on the bright side and it is actually working. I went downtown friday and drove around with hannah in Beccas car. Then once they left i walked around in the rain with Patrick and Christian. I got home around 12 and collapsed in my bed and didn't wake up 'till 2 the next day. Then I rushed off to the mall with China but we ended up only staying for an hour or 2 and then leaving to go to walmart and then back to her house where i watched The Village. Sunday morning we went to Estate Sells and me and China stole from Dead People so I'm pretty sure we're going to Hell now lmao
so I had a good weekend over all =]
Does anyone else still write in these??
lmao
ILY |
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| shiva hangs around my neck and sends out a protective forcefield...
when shes with me im untouchable...seems ive given up on guardian angels...
i rely on her to keep me safe...ward off all threatening people and strangers..
i imagine im in my own personal space....a box if you will...im in my own personal box....shiva holds the box tightly in her hands and lets nothing touch it.
she helps me build up walls around me pushing everyone away...
all i need is shiva.
shiva makes me invisable...i like it better this way.
all i hear is the distant murmer of everyones voices and shiva whispering softly to me
stay close and youll be the goddess of distruction one day.
shiva is keeping me safe through this hard time...
helps me take another breathe..another step..another day...
thank you shiva....for without you i am nothing...
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| last night i went to the theatre thing at redbank...it was pretty fun....me and maggie hung out before. jamming to music and me walking around 1/2 naked. lol.
her mom picked us up and we ended up being an hour late to the theatre thing becuase we went to eat chinese food...
ive been grounded so i havent been able to talk to anyone....sam broke his arm..
and tomorrow is ami's party...sry this is a lil scattered..just how my thoughts are right now..
today was very depressing..i just...idk....felt bad...felt like everything was on my shoulders today...
went to thing with chelsea tuesday...so nice to see her.
loving me some otep right now..
its getting hard to resist certain thoughts...worthless...being ashamed of myself...the old stuff...
getting hard to resist to just...
GO BACK TO SLEEP.
to just be alone...it's not that i want to be alone...i can just feel/see me isolating myself...
i dont mean to do it...i get sad...and pull awayf rom everyone...dont take it peronaly...you know i love you all.
it seems with everyday another stone is added to my back...
my body aches and i dont know why.
have you ever cried for no reason? i find that happening now...but i cant pinpoint what pain is making me cry.
i hate to say it...but i might be slipping into it....might fall face first back into the mud
around this time last year...the saddness really started to kick in....same for 7th grade...
what is it about this time that keeps leading me back down this path?
listening to magies mix of otep laffy taffy and M.Manson
god i feel so fat!!!!
ive gained so much weight...and it depresses me...
i feel i have no chance in having a good life...and i know the only person that can make my life better is me..but i fear that i just dont have the strength....i just wish there was someone to help me...
figuring things out is hard....everythings in this overly crowded brain of mine..
I once Dreamed of a world without consequences without reminders
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